xhear_me_nowx

everythings going in circles at a million miles an hour.






this takes time.




gotta try everything at least once right?

i am ready.



just in case you read this jess.
i really am sorry about that joke

really, i know how bad that must have made you feel
and i'm so sorry for that.

lynn is probably one of my favorite people right now..

that was a fantastic spilling-of-the-facts.

thank youuuuu so much.

by the way, heres my sketch. boo ya.

your arrogence and lack of respect for yourself and everyone around you makes basically everything you say irrelavent to any subject matter, and for that fact, anything involving words at all. your lazy tounge lets the words slip out through your teeth and past your lips, without first going through a vital checkpoint, that being your brain. your gramatical misuses of semi-intelligent words makes you seem intellectual to the naked eye. unfortunatly for yourself, there are actually people out there that do have an education, that strive for knowledge of useful, skill building information and awarness of the world surrounding them, these are the people that do or evienvitably will, see through your everlasting phisade of repatant stories, and opinions based on nothing more than general audiance veiws, one sided, half assed research, and the stereotypical misunderstandings that are your life. You are the constant weight on everyones backs. You have not only made yourself once and again a charity case, but you actually enjoy the comfort that it brings to know you can constantly take and take without giving anything in return. You have given nothing to me but snide remarks and over critisicm about my life and the way i live. don't coinsern yourself with me. you ARE the past. not just part of it. you spend endless hours thinking up ways that you could possibly get me to understand how badly i hurt you, not realizing that in fact, you are the one who sought and brought upon the downfall of yourself. your immaturity level increases with every word from your mouth. talking to you not only frustrates me beyond recognizable expression, but i honestly in all effects of the phrase, believe my I.Q. goes down a point or two every time i actually put forth an effort to your nonsense psycho, liberal democratic bullshit. you hold yourself at levels uncomparable to most, in beliefs that prehaps you are in fact, musically, politically, and artistically one of a kind. for this you have gotten yourself no where. your lack of creativity, and knack for taking others ideas and 'rewriting' them into your own has been the prelude to your constant self praise, overzealous attitude, and gargantuan ego, all of which i'm sure will also eventually lead to your social and emotional demise.. you don't seem to realize that you do in fact look like a fool, get over yourself hunny, for your own sake.




that was long and pointless. i am just very angry right now.

one day you're gonna wake up and i'm not gonna be here anymore, i won't always be sitting on the sidelines waiting for my time in the spotlight.


i'm not wearing down
but he's tempting

i'm not wearing down
but he's so tempting..

i like it when it's new. haha.





today i found myself missing kevin.
not like 'i wish i had him back' missing him...but i had gotten so used to just calling him when something big happened, and knowing he'd always answer.
plus i put on damien rice. and it just reminds me of this time we fell asleep listening to it. the GOOD days when things didn't seem so complicated. i miss my friend.

this picture dosen't mean anything. but look how cute we were. haha i repeat : DO NOT get the wrong idea.




britter is on her way over. i'm doing her hair. scout pissed in my bed. im angry.

guess what

i still do give a fuck
i say i don't
and i'm a liar. i do


but it's all about to change.


i want to get raging drunk this weekend. the kind of drunk where i make out with everyone and wake up not remembering anything..only to look down and see that i changed my clothes, and the ones i'm wearing AREN'T mine.
i'm GOING to find a party.

i just put a chicken pot pie in the toaster over
and when i got it and realized the middle was still rock cold
i realized the instructions said in big bold letters do not prepare in toaster over.

i may be stupid for doing what i'm doing..but..then again..

for the first time in a really long time i can say with my whole heart that i'm happy. thats all that matters right now, that, and getting my applications all ACCEPTED. shit son. ahha

i talked the whole apartment thing over with my parents. they don't really think i'm going to be able to support my self and all that shit. but i know i will be able to, my grandpa called me yesterday and said if i needed any help with anything to let him know, and i know my dad will help me out, and i doubt i'll even need the help to begin with, because i'm going up there in may to get a job. my dad said i could work with them. he said it's pretty decent money.

and theres a slight chance the appartments i will be living in are the apartments my dad and grandparents OWN. so shit, i'll be getting breaks cut for me here and there.

i've been daydreaming about it like all day everday..
meeee, my best friend, who happens to be my sister, and my cat, and my own place.
i can't wait.

Feliz Cumplianos A Ti, Feliz Cumplianos A Ti, Feliz Cumplianos A Lynn, Feliz Cumplianos A Ti! Y MUCHO MAS!



happybirthdaylynnnnnn <3

mi y mi padre y hermana.
i look just like him. aww.



los abuelitos..



theres a million more, but i just thought those were cute.

my dad emailed me. i'm really excited about life.

haha.

last night kevin called to piss me off. that was gay. whatever.

this weekend was amazing.

i am in love with grandvalley.

i met my father. he cried. i tried my best to hold it back. i found out more to the story. i don't really know what to make of it, but he promised me someday soon we'd sit and talk, just the two of us and i would get nothing but the truth. he is a decent, caring man. he calls me "allys". (like elise, not allies) ahha. the cutest thing ever was that he came up to me this morning and handed me this red button up shirt and said "i dont know if you do this, but ashley (my older halfsister) wears my old shirts to bed and stuff..this one is my favortie shit and i want you to have it." it was adorable. i got it home and put it on and in the pocket was a little note that said "allys -- i love you . -dad G. " how cuuute.
i don't really feel like going into detail about everything, the talks, the "kodak moments" but i will say that i'm really glad i decided to meet him. i also got to meet some of my cousins, aunts, uncles, and my grandparents. they are all amazing. i feel so MEXICAN.
i feel like i got a lot of closure, but at the same time, it's just a very complicated situation, and i'm not really sure what i can do to mediate between the two sides of my family and not look like i'm trying to pick sides. hopefully they can both understand, and if not, i can't say that i care at this point. this is my life, THEY have made the desicions for who has been in and out of my life since now, but i'm in the drivers seat and no one is going to fuck with big al. NOOOOOO ONE

by the way, mi abuelitos are crazy funny. they gave me 40 dollars as a gift, make me a mexican FEAST and sent mi abuelos homemade salsa and chips home with me . it's delicious. haha.


my life is officially changed. muahhaa........hopefully things will only look up.


i hope everyone else had a good weekend.

i've been doing horrendous amounts of politial research lately.
i've been watching every news show, cnn, etc.
i've watched movie upon movie

i've come to the probably controversial, but certain conclusion that i agree with the war.
terrorism is such a horrible threat.
holy crap, theres so much shit we've dodged as civilians and most of us don't even know about it.
i think we need to get this war done and over with
help the middle east get their government up, one that is not ruled by people who have said "we desire death more than we desire life". one who is not willing to maliciously kill and torture it's own citezins, and also take terrorist actions upon other countries for their way of living. there IS NO alternative for peace. these people do not care about what we have to offer. they want us dead, each and every single last one of us. and that is all there is to it.

these people are discusting, and we need to stop them in oreder for not only the united states to continue on, but also the world.

do not misinterprate what i am saying : i do not agree with war in general, and up until now, have not agreed with this war.

i'm informed, and that is why i think for the safety of our country, and our lives, we need this war.


fuck the talaban yo'

seriously dingleberrys.
haha.
i'm done wiht boys

just kidding, today i saw the most gorgeous guy, nad he looked me in the eyes and i swear my stomach dropped. he's beautiful. and i'm going to talk to him very very soon. like tomorrow soon.


tonight i hung wiht meaghann. shes cutie pants and a half.


i think i get to see my sister this weekend, my parents might not let me stay the night..since she'll be in pontiac..but i'll find my way around it . i always do.
okbye.

iiiiiiii think everything is coming together quite well. i'm not going to adress any downfalls right now, i think a lot of people suck. but everyone knows who my arch enemy is and the only thing i will say is this:
allyssia g with a fucking vengance. BITCH.

i love my best friend jessica. honestly i do. every day i spend with that girl is woop de woo fun. she makes me gafaul wiht laughter.

i feel weird being a t.a...honestly like a slacker, because today for instance, i felt like i was in class, so when i got done doing the stuff mr. beebe asked meto do, there was still like 45 min in class...so i like payed attencion to the lesson, then i realized .. i already took this class...so i got to sleep off my cramps, and i couldnt get in trouble for it. i dunno it was weird.

i hope 34 million girls wear leggings to school everyday for the rest of the year. MORE LEGGINGS PLEASE.

t.a. first hour isn't bad, cuz it's beebe. c'mon.

but second hour goverment i have like all the airhead bitches from my grade in it. they sit and giggle all hour and i want to stab them with my pencil

third hour is art. i sit alone. i like it that way. i hate when i'm trying to draw and people distract me.

i love sales and marketing


i'm grasping reality. goodbyeeeeeee.

its the last "summer night" tongiht
i dont know whats going on tonight, but i'd better spend this wiht my friends.

i just wanted to post an entry to let everone know that i chopped leons fro last night. he made me do it. thre was no changing his mind

he looks hot though..

really hot.